SMALL TOWN  

          The two of them celebrated her 48^th birthday, with candles, pink frosting and yellow roses. The candles flickered against the clutter, while Bit sang “Happy Birthday”.

          “To your good health!” and they clanked their coffee mugs together.

          “And good fortune, I hope,” added Shirley. Bit smiled, looking around at the dingy mobile home, dirty dishes piled on the counter and garbage stacked precariously in a brown paper bag on the floor. Bit tightened her smile.

          “Well, make your wish and blow out the candles before they melt all over the cake.” Shirley leaned over the cake, blowing out half the candles and dragging the front of her blouse in the icing.

          “Whew boy, I’m gitten too old fer this kind of thing,” she made a face blowing out the rest of the candles and sat down heavily.

          “You got icing on your front there,” Bit watched as her mother smeared the icing into her flowered blouse.

          They sat at the table eating cake and commenting on how dry and crunchy the little sugar roses were. Bit perched on her chair, talking about her waitress job, her boyfriend, school. Occasionally, her eyes moved up to the clock on the wall. It was a black cat with jeweled eyes and a tail that moved back and forth with a click, click, click. Bit’s eyes moved to her mothers’ face, then down to her fork that was playing with her cake. Shirley talked about her boyfriend, bingo games at the club and the new singer at Murrey’s Tavern.

          “God, he’s so sexy and he’s a real good singer too.” Bit nodded, trying to look interested.

          “How’s your job?” Bit tried to change the subject.

          “Oh, I got laid off again, the turkeys. They’re always laying us off for a week, then starting up again, before we can collect unemployment,” Shirley shook her head slowly, biting her lip. “And I’m gitten fed up with it all. Where am I supposed to git rent money? They already took my phone, damn’em.”

          “I thought you . . . oh, never mind. Open your birthday present.”

          “Thanks sweetie,” Shirley was quiet as she opened the card. There was a hundred dollar bill tucked inside. “Oh my . . .”

          “I thought you might need some money for bills, so don’t go giving it to someone  else.”

          “Honey, you shouldn’t, I mean, you need your money for school and things.”

          “Mom, it’s only one paycheck. Besides, where were you planning on getting some money? Gramps won’t lend you any, you owe him too much already. Dad certainly won’t help you and all your friends are broke. And your boyfriend owes you money from that last bingo game.”

          “Thanks honey darlin,” there were tears starting in Shirley’s eyes. “And I’ll pay you back someday, maybe with that life insurance policy.”

          “Don’t even talk that way and don’t worry about it, ok?” Bit knew she would never pay it back. “Just don’t let that boyfriend of yours know you have money; don’t let anyone know, ok?”

          “Don’t worry, Bill won’t get his paws on it. I won’t let him near it.”

          “Alright, I should be going, I have to get home for dinner,” Bit got up and moved to the door.

          “Thanks for the birthday party. I don’t know what I’d do without my little girl to take care of her old mom.” Bit was stiff as her mother kissed her. “I love my baby girl.”

          “You too. Bye Mom,” and Bit was out the door.

Outside, it was drizzling and the bicycle seat was dripping water. Bit wiped it off half-heartedly and walked her bike up to the paved road. She looked back at her mother’s tin can home, biting her lower lip and scrunching up her eyes in a frown. Then, she left, riding home in the rain.

          “Home already? How’d it go?”

          “Fine. Mom’s fine.” Bit didn’t stop long enough for her stepmother to question her. She knew she’d be in trouble if they found out she had given more money to her mom. She went up the stairs two at a time, closing her bedroom door quietly. She sat on the edge of her bed, staring out the window. Minutes went by, Bit looking out the window, lost in thought and biting her lip.

          “Why can’t she do anything right? I mean, she’s not dumb, she just doesn’t think. It’s all because of when she was sick and went to the hospital and they killed some of her brain cells with electricity. She wasn’t the same after that. It’s not her fault. So why do people give her such a hard time? Why does no one want to help her? Why?”

To Bit, this was a wall she kept running into over and over again. She sat there, frustrated and close to tears, trying to understand.

          “Time for dinner!” Bit wiped under her eyes, taking a deep breath to ease the tightness in her stomach. Downstairs, her stepmother was crashing around, slamming cupboards and burning herself on hot pans in her hurry.

          “Have a nice nap?” her stepmother asked as Bit entered the kitchen.

          “I wasn’t taking a nap.”

          “Oh, I thought you must have, since you didn’t come down to set the table. You’re usually so good about that.” Bit hated the sarcasm in her stepmother’s voice. She tried not to let it bother her.

          “Sorry.”

          “What makes you so grouchy all of a sudden?”

          “I guess it bothered me seeing Mom.”

          “Well, sit down, it’s time to eat. Go call your father while you’re at it.”

Later, sitting at the table drinking coffee, Bit’s stepmother asked her how school was going.

          “Fine.”

          “Oh, well, one of your teachers stopped by the office to ask if you were sick. It seems you missed his class the other day, which you don’t normally do. What seems to be the problem?”

          “I got a bloody nose.”

          “So, why didn’t you just tell him?”

          “Because, I was embarrassed, and I was just dumb, that’s all.” Bit was starting to feel like she was being interrogated.

          “Well, let me know if you get any more nose bleeds. We might have to send you in for a check-up.” Her stepmother got up from the table. “Could you manage the dishes tonight? I’m really rather tired,” and walked out of the room. Bit sat at the table across from her father, staring at her plate.

          Bit looked up at her father. “I guess we’re both kind of grouchy, aren’t we?”

          “Well, you better get started on the dishes, you need time to work on your homework tonight.” Bit watched as her father took his plate to the sink and walked out of the room.

          Bit sat at the table for awhile, listening to her parents mumble through the wall. Once she thought she heard her name and her face got hot with the thought of them talking about her.

          “You still sitting here? I thought you’d be done by now,” Bit’s father startled her.

          “Oh, I was just thinking. I guess I wasn’t paying attention to the time.”

          “Well, time to get off your bottom, you’ve been a little lazy around here lately.” Bit didn’t say anything. She got up slowly and started clearing off the table. Her father left out the front door. She watched him go.

          “Bye Dad.”

          Bit finished the dishes, then went upstairs to change her shoes and put on her raincoat. Coming downstairs, she looked for her stepmother and found her asleep on her bed. She opened her mouth to say goodbye, but changed her mind and merely pressed her lips together and left the room quietly.

          It was still sprinkling outside and Bit pulled up her hood. She started walking, she didn’t care where. She just wanted to get away, from her parents, her mother, her classes, even away from this town. She felt frustrated and wanted to get a long way away. Maybe she would just start hiking south and not stop. With this in mind, Bit turned her direction toward the southbound highway and kept walking. An hour passed before she realized she was on the highway headed out of town and it was nearing dusk. She looked around her, at the fields, the hills, and the mountains grey and wet. The sun was nearly gone behind the clouds.

          “What am I doing? I can’t run away, I wouldn’t know what to do by myself. God, I’d probably get picked up by some stranger, who’d do awful things to me and dump me in a ditch somewhere. Or maybe I would get kidnapped and sold into white slavery for the rest of my life. I’d rather face difficult parents any day.”

          So, Bit stood on the shoulder of the highway, convincing herself it was best to go home and hoping her parents hadn’t yet noticed she was gone. Finally, she turned around and started back, walking fast.

          As she neared town, Bit heard the rumble of the steel mill and over that the wail of the local fire siren. She tried to stop thinking and concentrate on the afforded distractions. She made it nearly all the way home in this state of mind. Then, looking up, she noticed a big spiral of smoke. Obviously, there was a fire somewhere near by. She changed her direction and headed toward the smoke, curious. The closer she came to the fire, the tighter her stomach got. She worried that it was close by where her mother lived, maybe even her house. Bit quickened her steps, trying not to appear frightened. She was at the end of the street when she began to run. There were black clouds of smoke pouring from the little hollow where her mothers’ mobile home was. Bit reached the top of the driveway, out of breath, scared. She couldn’t see much between the fire engines and the smoke.

          “Excuse me, but which house is it?” Bit could hardly get her words past the knot in her throat. A large woman in a flowered housecoat and slippers turned at her question. “Mom!”

          “Oh, Bit honey, I’m so glad you’re here,” Shirley held onto Bit tight. “You’re always here when I need you.” Bit cried quietly, holding onto her mother.